This is not to say that I’m not a fan of the Law of Attraction; on the contrary, I’m a big fan and I use the principles in my every day life. For the most part I am happy. I’m able to create the things I want and I’m living my life on purpose. But like everybody, I have days where I just want to cry out with frustration. We all have those days. The key to getting through them is to let go of your attachment to things being ‘just so’ all of the time.

One of the most common questions we can ask ourselves when things aren’t going quite as we had planned is ‘Why?’ This question can often leaves us feeling stuck and defeated, because the answer is usually something we don’t want to hear or acknowledge. The ‘why’ question very often finishes with the phrase ‘I don’t know.’ If they are not used correctly, ‘why’ questions can exacerbate the existing problem rather than assisting us to generate a solution. The ‘why’s are particularly prevalent among my weight loss clients. Here are some of the more disempowering ‘why’ questions:

* Why am I doing this?;* Why did he do that to me?;* Why me????’;* Why Can’t I lose this weight?

When you ask these kinds of questions you often end up going around in circles. Many of my clients become stuck in victim mentality. They hang onto past hurts and resentments, continually asking ‘Why??’, and continuing to get the same answer. ‘I don’t know’. The truth is it’s likely that most times you will never know the answer to life’s mysteries. Most often we never really discover the real reasons why some things happen to us, so if we allow ourselves to become attached to finding that answer then it only causes more frustration, pain and emptiness.

Take weight loss for example. When I conduct the initial weight loss hypnotherapy consultation, I very rarely ask the client to describe her current eating habits. Whatever she’s doing, it’s not working; that’s why she’s come to see me. So from where I’m standing, asking the client about what she is doing now only serves to give the unwanted behavior more power and waste valuable time that could otherwise be used to discuss more positive strategies. Even if I was to engage the client in discussion of her current behavior, she would probably tell me: ‘I don’t know why I do it.’

‘Danielle’ found herself going around in circles. She was 50 kilos overweight and getting bigger every day. No matter what work we did together, she continued to hang onto her old behaviors. Each session she would earnestly say to me: ‘I don’t know why I keep doing this’. Unfortunately, ‘Danielle’ was looking to me to provide the answer and when I couldn’t, she went away deeming the therapy a ‘failure’. You can’t win’em all.

But all was not lost; my experience with ‘Danielle’ inspired me to focus on the solution rather than the problem with my clients. Remember, your subconscious mind gives you whatever you focus on. When focusing on solutions, I like to use ‘what’ questions, such as:

* What emotions are you feeling when you overeat?;* What purpose does overeating serve you at the time?;* What specifically are you willing to do differently to change your circumstances?

This last question is very important. At the end of the day, ‘Danielle’ continued with her old habits and behaviors because she was not willing to do something different. No amount of hypnosis can help a person who is not willing to change what they are doing. Now, I’m not saying we should never explore the reasons why people overeat and refuse to exercise. Diagnosis is an intrinsic part of my program.

What I AM saying is that most times we don’t need to know why we are behaving in a certain way in order to be able to move away from that behavior. We simply need to get ourselves out of that stuck mindset that says ‘because I have always done this in the past, this means I am destined to do it forever.’ So the next time you feel stuck, try a ‘what’ question instead. This will open your mind to creative solutions and inspire you to do something different. Here’s to positive change.